December 29 (Wednesday): Literally Ridiculous. This morning I have go. I wake up at 8.30 and once more by around 9.00, I am already out of the door, out for a second stab at the Christmas sales, facing them in the knowledge that today for many is their day of return to work, which will make town relatively quiet and sane in the process.

I jolly into town and manage to happen across the best, easiest access parking spot imaginable. Its these small victories that keep morale high in these times. I re-hit the sales, starting out in Virgin Megastore. I pick up Schindler’s List, Moonlighting and Alfie all on DVD and that Manics b-side album on CD for just over £20. It feels like a bargain at least. As I stand being served at the counter, there is some little tourettes boy employee mouthing off and the girl serving me apologises saying “he’s not talking about you”. Whoops, I had totally zoned out. I actually begin making small talk with the girl at this point. Small talk? That’s torture to me. I’m going through changes.

I stagger around town and I catch glimpse of an old workmate from my penultimate job, the one prior to the dooce. I speed up and step quicker in an effort to avoid her and avoid describing my recent embarrassments. Mission accomplished.

Next stop turns out to be WH Smith where now, with alternative paranoia in place, I sense another shop assistant checking me out with view to nice nice. I then realise what I must look like with my “beard” and consider it more likely that she is checking me out as a shoplifter. Lady I’m not that strong, I could never lift a shop (Hulk could).

HMV is hard work. I pick up the Hooligans PC game for a fiver, the game that caused such a ruckus in the media a few years ago when it was released at full price. Walking around the store, they are playing that Coldplay track from the Garden State soundtrack over the PA and it (the song and movie) really fits my current state of mind as I go around zonked (gormless). As I walk to counter I pass an old school mate (Bagley) and acknowledge him doing the eyebrow thing but really I don’t want to speak to him because last year I heard he had been telling various other school chums stuck in his village, also unemployed bums, that I was gay. I tell you, some people.

I hit paydirt with the sales when I make a random trip into MVC to find the Adam And Joe DVD in their sale. Back of the net, I’ve been after that for weeks and was praying it would make it to the sales. Back of the net.

When I get back to my car, my phone beeps and it’s a text from Chris. He’s asking me if I’m up for lunch today. I wasn’t sure if it was even happening but hungry I certainly go “yes!”, calling him immediately and heading over to his house shortly after.

Upon arriving there, he is still in his dressing gown. “Dude, half the day has nearly gone already” (I don’t say). Instead I just get my digital camera out to take embarrassing, blackmail photos of the brah.

He gets ready and we head back into town and yet again, attempting to get parked during the dinner period proves next to impossible. And I’m a bit nervous today about hitting town at lunch time on a school day because old work colleagues will probably be about (seems I have a real complex about doesn’t it). Eventually though we get parked up at the casino car park, pissing eachother off because we are late for lunch. Baldwin and I have a race down the multi storey, I take the elevator and he takes the stairs and wins, probably by running and/or cheating.

Eventually we hook up with our lunch dates (ho ho) Lucy and Sue. Unsure as where to go, I suggest we head to The Castle, I have had such a jones on for their sweet and sour chicken for the longest time and I’ve been hoping all Christmas we’d go there (just like last Christmas when I tasted it for the first time). We have lunch and it is great fun, relaxed and I don’t feel excluded (don’t take much to please me). Chris orders sausage, so couple that with the fur lining on his new Gap coat, gabba gabba we accept him back as one of us.

Half way through lunch two ladies take up at the table next to us, two attractive ladies. For the a lot of the meal, the really nice looking lady keeps looking over to our table. I wonder if/who she is macking. The new “bearded” me or the classic, now meat eating Baldwin.

Lunch is ace and then we head to Ace where Chris wants comics! Colin still works there and this is the first time that I have seen him in an eternity, since the last time I braved the comic store in the summer. He’s actually pretty happy to see us and we have an aces chat while he works, what appears, the greatest job going. While we’re there, Nina pops in also we says hello, you knows it. Utter Geeksville. I nearly buy some little book about fetish while Chris buys some Hernandez (Love And Rockets) sex comic.

We nob about town for a while longer and actually manage to find a coat in Gap that I (think I) really like. I check for sizes however and there are only M and XS. It takes me about five minutes to work out what XS means. Who on earth is extra small? A smackhead? A silly boy with an eating disorder? Equally disillusioned, I leave the store still unable to find myself a new coat for these cold cold winter eves.

After a brief stop off via Staples, we return to Bohemian Grove where I finish off burning those CD-Rs for Chris. My flat is an embarrassing horrible mess and not fit for human consumption or co-habitation. I burn the CD-Rs really quick but really feel the need/requirement to whisk Chris out the flat before he feels too disgusted with me. Just before leaving, Tom hits me on MSN to say how he is having a strange Christmas with regards to people. I go “indeed but not to worry” before taking the Chris home.

When I return home, it is to The Sound Of Music on TV and Tom on MSN. And I know which out of the two makes more sense to me. It’s all good.

Later in the evening I phone home to speak to mum to try and cheer her up by sounding upbeat. I hope it works but once more I fail to convince myself in my capabilities.

During the phonecall however, Sara comes online and begins getting in touch with me on MSN. Oh my, this is weirdness. As soon as she comes online, mum can tell by the distracted tone of my voice that there is something up. Eventually I get off the phone to deal with Haslett. This is the second half of my two Christmas wishes, for her to get in touch. I must be some kind of sadist (and some will tell you that I am). I have to admit to being shocked, surprised, awkward and embarrassed all by her communication. She is all apologies, telling me how she has missed me etc. I ask the obvious, what happened that Saturday. It turns out that she got back to England, had a great first four days of partying and then all of a sudden half her relatives suddenly caught cancer. Still, that is no excuse for NO communication. I struggle to believe her excuses. I move onto asking for my money, considering she always claims to be such money bags out there in Dubai (George Dubai Bush methinks). Apparently its coming but, her not being so smart, she doesn’t seem able to get her pretty little head around the world/concept of Paypal. While this outstanding debt hangs over our heads, I really do not want anything to do with her. When she was sacked by the company I have just been sacked from/by, she left owing a number of my co-workers money and this reality just reduces me to such a level of user’s mark (if that makes sense). Where’s my fucking money?

My night ends by watching the Arena special about the Secret Policeman’s Ball. The show is fantastic, featuring so many of my heroes. In the summer I managed to get a Secret Policeman’s Ball DVD in the sale for a fiver and I have never got around to doing it but seeing all this footage of Peter Cook and the Comic Strip, it looks like goldust.

During the show I get Chris on MSN asking me what the Neil Young song on Grand Theft Auto:San Andreas is. I know the song he means but not which one it is. I originally didn’t think it was a Neil Young song but it does sound like him (and Chris is convinced) so it may be a Buffalo Springfield song. So, as a result I spend the next hour on the internet trying to find out what song it is, downloading all sorts off Soulseek just so that I can be the person to say “I found that song”. After a tedious search, the song turns out to be A Horse With No Name by the band America. And it’s really good with it.

Tonight I experience I really bad night, a very disturbed sleep pattern, one of lying awake too long, thinking too much causing me to worry too much.

np: Coldplay – Don’t Panic