Wednesday, December 22, 2004

November 26 (Friday): Odd Beliefs. Oh dear, I oversleep this morning but ultimately it turns out to just be one of those days when you would be better off staying in bed.

I wake up around 8.20 bearing in mind that I have an interview with Acme Accountancy Personnel at 9.15. Whoops. Within seconds, I am up and dressed and out, with a few words from Sara ringing in my ears.

When I get to town, I get parked up something lovely and things start out looking good for the day. Hey, I had a lie in and I feel refreshed!

The interview however winds up going like a disaster. It starts out well but when we get onto the subject of why I have lost my job and I reveal that it was down to being dismissed, obviously the reasons around being dismissed are addressed and at this point my interviewer (a physical cross between Mick Jones of The Clash and the actor Miguel Ferrer) goes very cold on me suggesting that Acme may not be able to represent me, half rendering me unemployable in my field of work. This is now the point where my former employers could really make life uncomfortable for me (as if it already isn’t bad enough). I try to explain to the man what it was that caused me to get dismissed but really I can’t find the correct words that sum up an overreaction to a incident that has just bruise egos rather than anything else. My dismissal is, regardless of what was said officially, down to personal reasons sculptured into professional reasons by a person with a business/company law knowledge/background. This is all however beside the point, what’s done has been done and now I am just worried to death about getting back into the workplace and paying my mortgage and debts. And to have an employment agent tell me that he cannot work with me towards future employment, this is pretty earth shaking and worrying to say the least.

I attempt to diffuse the situation but whereas I was supposed to see both the practise and industry representatives, I get the impression that the practise immediately loses interest in seeing me off the back of the knowledge and when I am told that whether Acme represents me now rests on a reference from my old employers, I begin to get the sweats, knowing that for starters getting any kind of reference out of them will be a task let alone a half decent one. I leave Acme with the world looking a very dark and gloomy place for me.

I plod around town for a few minutes afterwards but soon fly home back to the refuge of my home. With my day already thoroughly disrupted, all attempts to get some study go out of the window as my confidence in myself and life become momentarily shattered.

I get home with the intention of watching the The Incredibles download I got off Soulseek but as the theme of failure of/for the day, it doesn’t work does it.

I plod through the afternoon, watching The Cooler instead and actually finding myself really enjoying the movie and being somewhat in awe of Alec Baldwin’s bastard performance. The idea/concept is really clever to me, the way one man down on his luck can bring bad “vibes” to other people’s fortunes but as soon as he finds love and his luck changes and he becomes positively charged, he finds himself only able to now pass on the good cheer. And the fact that the good fortune carries its way all the way through to the end of the movie really leaves the viewer coming away with something really good within them.

Later afternoon sees me getting an MSN from Justin to see if I can make it to the Bad Hand poker night tomorrow night. Unfortunately, once more I feel I have to decline because I really have to concentrate on at least getting some study done. And as per usual, as soon as I decline and make my decision, I regret it.

This Friday night ultimately really falls flat as I fall asleep early and pretty much sleep through the evening

np: Alice In Chains – Got Me Wrong


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